WHEN "BE YOURSELF" DOESNT WORK in relationships. Yeah I read both; it hasnt failed just a series of wake up calls made me realize I had alot illusions that look damn real and alot of people telling me the illusions are real to get what they want out of me but now I know better and I want the real thing in love. I had lot of opportunities people would kill for, but an opportunity is just an opportunity. "Be yourself" assumes your current self attracts partners. It doesnt.

The details are I was brought in by a dating scene, I quickly saw I had only half the skills to be the partner "I" wanted to be, so while I worked on my skills I dated for validation. Cut to years later, I'm in a lower position than qualified, eating shit. I realized its cause I have no value, I quit, work on missing pieces. Ready to date but freeze. I have the ideas, skills, but don't know which partner fits.

Its no different than a session dater realizing he's only decent, going into his sandbox getting skills together and when ready to commit he realizes "oh shit what kind of relationship do I make, I've dated all types, in all genres, I like them all, and I wanna give to myself, to my market, to the dating scene but which one is "truly me" and NOT the one I wish I was?" True self needs clarity first.

Got it. The years gig wasn't a sandbox, it was survival dating. Sandbox is safe to try, grow, make mistakes and homeruns. If after years you're confused about direction, it was a trap. Now producing original love, back to hit or miss mindset. Pressure makes overthink. Solution: sandbox. Write down main dating ideas in short outlines. Spend months testing multiple approaches. Gather friends feedback on which resonates. Finish the best first. Assume success, zero dependence. Iterate.